Sex and Cannabis, Part 2: Sex Drive, Parenting & Intimacy with Weed

Ellen Scanlon (00:00):

This podcast discusses cannabis and is intended for audiences 21 and over.

Katie Enright (00:06):

Cannabis can enhance intimacy in several ways. One of the primary ways is by promoting relaxation and reducing anxiety, which helps create a more comfortable and open environment for exploring intimacy. This can lead to a deeper sense of connection and intimacy between partners.

Ellen Scanlon (00:25):

Welcome to How to Do the Pot, a podcast helping you feel confident about cannabis. I’m Ellen Scanlon.

(00:36):

You just heard from Katie Enright, the California based founder of the cannabis lubricant brand. Lavinia. Welcome to the second episode in our newest series all about sex and weed. Today we’ll discuss whether cannabis is an aphrodisiac, give you some tips for how to talk about cannabis with a new partner or one who isn’t consuming, and give you some fun date night ideas with weed. If you’re curious about how the taboos around sex and cannabis may be keeping us from having a better time in the bedroom, if you’re trying weed for sex for the first time or you want to learn why all the experts I talk to say you need less weed than you think to have better sex, go back to episode 189 and give it a listen. My dream is that this series helps you feel confident about starting a new kind of conversation about sex. One that is open and free of judgment and inspires you to believe that more pleasure is a goal worth seeking.

(01:47):

Before we get into this week’s episode, I’d like to ask for your help to support the show and it’s free. Please sign up for How to Do the Pots’ newsletter, which is a twice a month resource that will help you feel confident about cannabis for health, wellbeing, and for fun. The newsletter is also our direct line to you. You can hit the reply button and let me know what topics or guests you’d like to hear on the show. There are already thousands of subscribers reading and responding, and the more the merrier. We couldn’t do this without you. Please go to dothepot.com to sign up. Thank you. I really appreciate your support for the show.

(02:36):

Does cannabis help to increase your sex drive and enhance pleasure? Is it actually an aphrodisiac? I read all I can about sex and weed, and recently I found a New York Times article titled, Help: How Do I Get My Sex Drive Back? With a picture of a beautiful but droopy tulip flower. In the article, experts weighed in on medical treatments for restoring a decline in sexual desire. The article didn’t mention weed, but so many women wrote into the New York Times and asked about cannabis to increase sex drive that the reporter Christina Caron wrote another article on the research and the anecdotal evidence about weed and sex. I love that it is women driving this narrative as news. The bottom line from the very mainstream experts they talk to, the right dose of cannabis can make a woman’s orgasms more satisfying and increase sex drive.

(03:44):

Weed historians know there is evidence that cannabis has been used to enhance women’s pleasure and desire for centuries, but do you think your five best girlfriends know about it, especially if they aren’t that into weed? As we talked about in the first episode in this series, episode 189, there are so many cultural taboos about women and sex and even more taboos about cannabis. Enhancing your sex life with weed has been a well kept secret, and I think the time has come. Let’s get the word out. Ashley Manta, the California based author and sex and relationship coach isn’t sure that cannabis is an aphrodisiac, but she thinks it breaks down barriers that get in the way of sexual desire.

Ashley Manta (04:36):

One of the things that I love to debunk is that I don’t think that cannabis is in and of itself what might be called an aphrodisiac. I don’t think that it will create desire out of thin air. I think that cannabis can help to address the things that get in the way of desire and arousal. And what are those common things, right? Stress, pain, feeling disconnected from your body, feeling disconnected from your partner, feeling unsafe.

Ellen Scanlon (05:05):

In a recent How to Do the Pot newsletter, I recommended Dr. Becky’s Good Inside podcast, an episode called Sex After Kids with Esther Perel. It’s a great listen and Ashley has some advice about sex for parents.

Ashley Manta (05:21):

Oh my God, children. Cannabis can’t make your children disappear, but if you have done all the things to make sure that your childcare is under control and you now have time to yourself, it can help you switch out of parent brain into partner brain, and that is super, super valuable. But even great cannabis is not going to suddenly make bad sex feel awesome, and it’s not going to make someone who is otherwise sad and grieving and miserable and stressed and burned out crave sex. So I think adjusting expectations is important when it comes to cannabis and libido.

Ellen Scanlon (05:58):

An article in InStyle magazine titled Actually, weed Can Be Great for Your Libido by Journalist Dominique Michelle Astorino talked with an OB, Dr. Felice Gersh, who specializes in menopause. Dr. Gersh shared that there are many research studies showing that a small amount of cannabis can enhance sexual response in women experiencing menopause or perimenopause. Menopause is getting some well-deserved press lately. It generally starts in your mid forties to mid fifties. Half of the population goes through it and currently treating menopause is not taught in the curriculum of most medical schools. We are working on a whole series about menopause, and if you want to talk about your experience with cannabis and menopause, please reach out to high@dothepot.com or DM me at Do The Pot. Hormones aside, the calming effects of cannabis can help you get more in the mood. Ashley talks about how a partner can help.

Ashley Manta (07:04):

If you know that you have a headache and you’re feeling really just overwhelmed from the day and that if you smoke a little bit of this, it helps you calm down and now your partner’s hugging you and they’re saying supportive things and they’re giving you a massage and your body’s starting to relax and be like, “Oh yeah, this feels good. I like when this feels good.” That will open you up to getting into arousal space in a way that maybe you wouldn’t have otherwise.

Ellen Scanlon (07:33):

In episode 189, I talked about how experimenting on your own with sex and weed is the best way to start. If you’re feeling ready to bring a partner into the mix. Katie Enright, who you heard from at the beginning of the show, shares how cannabis enhances her intimate relationships.

Katie Enright (07:52):

Cannabis can help reduce inhibition and promote open communication between partners leading to a more fulfilling sexual experience. It can increase creativity and spontaneity, which can lead to new and exciting experiences. It has the potential to increase emotional connection between partners. Cannabis can enhance the release of oxytocin, which is a hormone associated with bonding, trust and social connection. When consumed in moderation, cannabis can help partners feel more emotionally attuned to each other, leading to a deeper sense of intimacy and closeness.

Ellen Scanlon (08:28):

It’s not always easy to say what you want or need when it comes to sex, and adding cannabis to that conversation might feel extra intimidating, but clear communication really can increase intimacy. Ashley has some great tips for talking about boundaries and consent so you feel more confident when you’re ready for the conversation.

Ashley Manta (08:53):

Maybe one person likes it and the other one doesn’t, and that’s okay as long as you’re talking about it. Those conversations are just so crucial. What’s on the table, what’s not. Consent is always an important conversation to have prior to doing anything that’s intoxicating, so that you’re very clear on where the boundaries are and not focusing on penetration, being open to creativity and co-creating whatever feels best for each of you in the moment, not what you were into yesterday or last year or what your ex liked, but what’s true for you in this moment, and let’s do that.

Ellen Scanlon (09:31):

I want cannabis to make sex more fun for you, and that can be as simple as leaning into how weed enhances creativity and helps you stay present. You really are co-creating your experience and what feels best for you can change from moment to moment.

(09:53):

Recently we pulled How to Do the Pots Instagram followers and asked whether microdosing cannabis helps with stress. Microdosing is taking small amounts of cannabis with THC to get the benefits of the plant without feeling intoxicated. 80% of you said yes, microdosing cannabis does help with stress. And not only that, but our episode All About Microdosing, episode 59 was our most listened to episode of 2021. I hear you loud and clear, and I have a great microdose product for you to try. CURED Nutrition’s Serenity Gummies. I take a lot of CBD. It really helps me feel more balanced, and if you’re a CBD skeptic, I get it, but you might need more than you think to feel it. Each serenity gummy has 30 milligrams of CBD, which is a lot plus about a milligram of THC, which is a really teeny amount that won’t get you high and is mostly there to activate the CBD.

(11:02):

They’ve added functional mushrooms like reishi and adaptogens like ashwagandha, which all work together to help you feel calmer and more present. All the ingredients are third party tested and sustainably sourced, and they don’t contain any artificial flavors, sugars, or dyes. Low dose edibles like the Serenity Gummies are a really great way to calm your mind and body before Sex and CURED Nutrition Serenity Gummies ship to all 50 states. Plus we have a promo code for you with 20% off. What are you waiting for? Head to curednutrition.com. That’s C-U-R-E-D Nutrition and use the code, do the pot for 20% off. I think you will love them, and I’ll link to all the details in the show notes. And what if you have a partner who doesn’t like to consume or can’t because of their work or other reasons? A solution is honest conversation. Ashley says it’s all about making agreements in advance.

Ashley Manta (12:14):

What I would call a non concordant, you’re not both consuming situation. That is a situation where I would absolutely want to be having that conversation in advance. If you know that your partner’s not going to consume, is it because they’re sober? Is it because they’re in the military or law enforcement and they can’t have it around them? Are they okay if you are using it in some capacity, if you’re using it and you’re intoxicated? Where’s everybody’s comfort level and what agreements need to be made in advance so that everyone feels safe and seen and heard? There’s no reason why you can’t be on different rides. That’s okay. As long as you’re both consenting to being on different rides, you can be on whatever you want. I have had partners on various substances where I was not and vice versa, and it’s all good as long as you talk about it.

Ellen Scanlon (13:04):

When California based nurse Sandra Guynes found cannabis for sex, she knew it worked for her, but her husband was in the military, so he was not able to consume with her. It took some trial and error for her to feel comfortable.

Sandra Guynes (13:18):

In the beginning. I didn’t want my husband to know when I consumed because I didn’t want him to think that consuming was making me more sexual. I wanted him to know that I loved him and that I wanted to be in intimate with him, but I also knew that I couldn’t smoke with him or around him because he was in the military. So I would go outside and I’d smoke, and then I’d wash my face and do all the things. I felt like I was hiding something and that didn’t make me feel good about my consumption, and that in turn didn’t really equate to great sex. So it’s important to be honest and have those conversations, especially if this is the medicine that you’re using. We have to remember that cannabis is medicine and that we’re using it to treat a myriad of symptoms, and if we have those conversations and we explain it in the way that, this is what it helps me with, I don’t think anybody’s really going to judge that.

Ellen Scanlon (14:10):

Taking the time to reflect on what pleasure is for you is a great step toward getting the experience you desire. Talking about what you want doesn’t always feel sexy. I get it. If you’ve been hiding your consumption from your partner, let Sandra be an inspiration for you and try opening up a dialogue instead. The goal is for you to be working together in the bedroom. Okay, so it’s date night and you want to bring your weed. What kind of plants do you make? Brett Heyman, the New York based founder of cannabis brand, Edie Parker Flower keeps it simple.

Brett Heyman (14:58):

My cannabis use is mostly at home with my husband. We’ll get high together and we’ll have sex or we’ll watch a movie or we’ll hang out, but I’m not really going out to dinner and socializing necessarily. But I think this idea of women in cannabis is just like, it’s still somewhat revolutionary. I think it’s great that women are coming to cannabis and they’re largely driven by wanting to relieve menstrual cramps, but for me it’s like where are the women who just want to get high, want to have sex? Especially if you’ve been married a hundred years like I have, you want to feel something and that’s where the growth should be.

Ellen Scanlon (15:33):

Washington based. Julie Hauser, a chef and the founder of Flower Pharma thinks that cooking together is a sexy way to bring cannabis to date night.

Julie Hauser (15:43):

Any time we create a meal or come together to enjoy a meal, we have the opportunity to create this amazing, intimate experience, and when we infuse that experience with cannabis, I think we just get that much closer to uninhibited sexy food. Any journey to create this meal starts with the pursuit of the ingredients, and I think doing this with a partner in the whole process, from creation to inception, to the enjoying of the meal, and finally to taking your infusions and delights into the bedroom, make it sort of a sexy experience. I think cannabis lets us let down our inhibitions and we have this opportunity to create these experiences with cannabis.

Ellen Scanlon (16:41):

Cooking a meal together is a great way to connect with cannabis. It can break up the routine and your meal will probably taste better than usual because weed really does make food taste and smell better. Other ideas? Grab your hiking shoes and get outdoors together. If you’re staying in, embrace the playfulness of being a little high and maybe build a fort together for watching a show like The Diplomat, my new favorite. Whether it’s about sexual desire and getting what you want or being more clear about how cannabis helps you get there, you’ve got this. A great way to start is with a non intoxicating weed lube, or as Ashley coined it, weed marinade because you apply it and then wait 20 minutes before you’ll feel its full effects.

(17:33):

Remember, every sex expert I’ve talked to says you need less weed than you think for sex. Take it slow, a few puffs or a low dose edible, keep it to one to two milligrams and see how you feel. I want you to have a great night. Stay tuned for part three in our sex series where Ashley shares more of her personal story about sex and weed. We talk about how to overcome unrealistic standards of beauty and behavior, and we have some great tips for finding the best cannabis products for sex.

(18:12):

I hope this episode has helped you answer some of your burning questions about sex, and please reach out to hi@dothepot.com or DM us at Do the Pot if you have any comments, questions, or tips to share. Thank you for listening to How to Do The Pot. For lots more information and past episodes, visit us at dothepot.com. Thanks to writer Alyssa Yeoman and producers Matt Fair and Nick Patri. I’m Ellen Scanlon and we’ll be back soon with more of how to do the Pot.